To add insult to injury, the language is deteriorating.  I tried to look at the brighter side in my last blog entry, which focused on political slogans.  This time, I move to the Dark Side.  I must protest the recurring, deadly crime of verbicide.  That crime is the deliberate slaying of nouns by turning them into very bad verbs.  The worst offenders are the so-called language professionals - broadcasters.

Two recent examples set me groaning, then writhing in pain.  Have you heard all those news reports on early voting?  I heard a TV news reporter discussing citizens going out to “early vote”.  Ouch!  How about having them vote early?  It doesn’t even cost you extra words!

Then there is the non-stop effort to build up the coffers with election cash, otherwise known as fundraising.  No longer do party stalwarts get out there to raise funds.  No!  They get out there to “fundraise”.  Fundraise?  When did that verb make it into Webster’s?  Or the venerable Oxford dictionary?

At least there are some really wonderful commentators out there, literate and blessed with the ability to communicate in clear, educated, even erudite sentences.  I actually heard one of them use the word “obstreperous” in conversation.  Now there’s a word!  The sound of the word, with all of those interesting consonants, actually enhances the meaning of the word itself.  And you don’t hear it every day.

The Word Cop (that’s me!) pleads for mercy!  We have lots of wonderful words - verbs and nouns alike.  Let’s use them, dare I say (Dare! Dare!), correctly.

I was reading the latest online copy of “Michigan Today”, an alumnae publication from the University of Michigan, of which I am a proud alumna.  (Go Blue!)  There was an article by Professor Emeritus Richard W. Bailey.  His topic was “Campaigns and slogans”.  Certainly an appropriate topic at this particular point in history. 

I don’t know about you, but regardless of political persuasion, many if not most of us are heartily sick of this endless campaign.  So I thought it would be a good time to have some fun with words and join Professor Bailey in looking at some campaign slogans.  In his article, he states, “Political words with semantic heft have the power to endure.”  Unfortunately, he doesn’t see much hope for many of the inventions coming out of the current campaign.  As an example of a good slogan that will live on, he goes back to the Eisenhower campaign of the 1950’s with its slogan I Like Ike.  Eisenhower was already well known by the nickname “Ike”, the slogan embraced him with the word “like”, it happened to rhyme, and fit conveniently on a button.  What’s not to “like”?

Ignoring the current campaign for a moment (Whew! What a relief!), let’s look back a bit.  How about 1948’s “Give ‘Em Hell, Harry!”  I like that one.  It appeals to the feisty, everyday American psyche and offers a sense of a spirited fight. 

Looking further back, there is 1928’s slogan, “A chicken in every pot.  A car in every garage.”  It speaks of a promise of prosperity offered, if not realized, by Herbert Hoover.

In 1964, it was, “All the way with LBJ.”  Another catchy little rhyme.  Of course, the young people responded with, “Make love, not war.”  In 1992, it was, “It’s the economy, stupid.”  Maybe we should be using this Clinton cliche now!

Our language can be fun!  It can also utilize that entertaining fun to offer powerful, persuasive communication.  We will have to see in the years to come if any of the words being used in the 2008 election have the staying power Professor Bailey discusses.

I will indulge myself and close with a non-political, partisan University of Michigan slogan that came out of my years as a student, a time when Bo Schembechler was our coach and Woody Hayes still led the Ohio State Buckeyes (the enemy!!).  I was walking from central campus to the “Big House”, as the stadium is still known, one football Saturday in the early ’70s.  It was the annual Big Game at the Big House - Michigan versus Ohio State.  I walked surrounded by other students, alumnae and football fans, all excited and enjoying the chilly, late fall day.  There were many vendors on hand.  I stopped and purchased the following irreverent button, which I have kept all these years:  “Give Woody a Bo Job”

Go Blue!

Come on, folks!  The English language is incredibly rich, allowing such precision and beauty of expression.  It’s fine to use simpler language for casual conversation, but aren’t we going a bit too far here?

Listen to the conversation of our young people to be guaranteed a quick example.  Even more appalling, these speech patterns have crept into adult conversation, both at home and (gulp!) at work.  That’s bad enough.  Then, I started hearing this more and more from people who make their living by speaking - media professionals.  One slip during a casual moment on the air is one thing, but when I start hearing people like Bill O’Reilly using such speech on a fairly regularly basis, I am left to wonder what the world is coming to!

Listen to the conversations around you and consider carefully what you hear.  The general flow will go something like this:

“He said (fill in whatever comment).  I go (fill in whatever reply).”

“She said (fill in another inane, but emotion-producing comment).  I was like (fill in whatever emotion was aroused).”

Whatever happened to “I said” or “I exclaimed” or “I opined”.  (Just trying to keep it pithy, since I mention Bill O’Reilly.)

How about “I felt” or “I was (something else besides “like”).  Try “I was angry” or “I was surprised” or “I was happy”.

Any of my suggestions is far more descriptive and useful in conveying real meaning to the listener.  Think about it and maybe try a different pattern of speech the next time you catch yourself overdoing it with “I go” or “I’m like”.  The Word Cop will be incredibly grateful!

What do you think? 

I have quoted Professor Higgins, of My Fair Lady fame, before.  The basis of the entire plot of the play supports my premise here.  The professor makes a bet with a buddy that he can take a flower girl, with an abysmal accent and lousy English usage, and pass her off as a duchess at an Embassy ball simply by teaching her to speak properly.  In one of the great songs in the musical (lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner, one of my heroes - what a writer!), he laments the fact that Englishmen and women are instantly classified by their speech.  “This verbal class distinction, by now should be antique.”  I agree.

So let me take a few moments here to plead with my fellow English speakers, especially Americans, to take greater care with their speech.  Make a better, more positive impression in your professional life - our 21st century equivalent of that Embassy ball.

Let me help by offering a few of my pronunciation pet peeves.

• Etcetera - Okay, be honest.  How many of you out there pronounce this as “ek - cetera”?  That second letter is a “t”, not a “k”, and the word is pronounced accordingly.  The most egregious offenders here tend to be the people who use the word the most.
• “Moot” versus “Mute” - These words are different, with different meanings and different pronunciations.  The first is pronounced just the way it is spelled, with an “oo” sound, like the sound of a cow.  “Mute” is pronounced “myoot”.  I can’t count the number of times I have heard the words confused.  “That’s a mute point.”  Huh?  That’s a point you can’t hear because it is muted?  Bad pronunciation clouds meaning.
• Nuclear - President Bush has made this one infamous.  His is the classic, very annoying and way too common mispronunciation:  “Nuculer”.  What is so difficult about this word?  It is “nu-cle-ar”. 
• Realtor - This one is similar to “nuclear”.  The common mispronunciation is “re-la-tor”.  Wrong!  It is “real-tor”.  If actual Realtors had to pronounce the word correctly in order to be licensed, more than half would be out of work.  They are the worst offenders.

Enough for now!  I am sure I will have more to share in future.  Please share your pronunciation pet peeves!

My kudos today go to a local grocery chain, Quality Food Centers (QFC).  They’ve had their challenges in recent years, enduring two acquisitions by big grocery chains, Kroger being the most recent.  So the stores, at least the ones near me, had deteriorated quite a bit.  Simply put, QFC’s mission and market didn’t match Kroger’s idea of what they should be.  At least, this is what I have observed from the outside as a customer.

This situation has begun to turn around.  The stores are being refurbished, remodeled, and upgraded.  They are going more upscale, probably to compete with stores the like of Central Market.  I, for one customer, welcome the change. 

Last night, after a brutally busy day, I stopped by my local QFC to do some emergency shopping.  Some things you just can’t do without, and we were without.  I dragged my tired body around the store, locating most of what I needed and figured the heck with the rest.  Somewhat numb, I approached the checkout stand.

The stand right in front of me appeared to be closing, but the cashier gestured to come on.  She would take care of me.  I noticed that it was the express lane, and stated that I had more than 12 items.  She still indicated she would be happy to take care of me.  Then I really looked at the sign and stopped dead.

“Express Lane.  12 items or fewer.”

I don’t know how many times I have groaned over the ubiquitous signs with their equally ubiquitous errors in grammar - 12 items or less.  Wrong, wrong, wrong!

I turned to the cashier and congratulated her and the store for getting it right!  She looked at me as if I was somewhat addled, and proceeded to add up my grocery tab.  All right, maybe she was tired, too.

No matter.  Congratulations to the QFC management for removing one of the smaller annoyances that clutter my life.  There is no better signal of the store’s re-emergence as a Quality Food Center, at least to me.

This time, the article in question is “Me, Myself, and I”, written by Collin Levy and published in the Monday, January 14, 2008 edition of the WSJ.  Ms. Levy is commenting on the speech we have been hearing during the campaign and says the following:

“For all the rhetorical flourish on display, many of the presidential candidates still don’t have a grip on the King’s English.”

The Word Cop is not surprised.  Have you listened to the candidates as they debate and speak?  Sometimes, I just cringe. 

Ms. Levy’s article is focused on the use and misuse of the very words of her title.  She begins with “myself”.  Instead of saying “like me”, it has become fashionable to say “like myself”.  She quotes sportswriter Red Smith, who said, “Myself is the foxhole of ignorance, where cowards take refuge, because they were taught that me is vulgar and I is egotistical.”  Quite apart from the excellent point Red Smith makes, isn’t that a wonderful way to say it?  Ms. Levy goes on to say, “In the same spirit, “myself” has become the campaign’s de rigueur grammar cop-out, substituted for I or me when the candidate isn’t sure which is accurate - or worse, assumes Americans will see proper English as elitist.”

It’s a great article.  I recommend it to all of you out there who appreciate how elegant and wonderful the English language can be when used correctly. 

It is also refreshing that, for once, President Bush is singled out for using correct grammar.  The article concludes with this.

Referring to his own grammatical quirks in a debate with Al Gore, the then Texas governor’s usage was impeccable.  “Well, we all make mistakes,” he said, “I’ve been known to mangle a syllable or two myself.”

Today, I heard the Hughes.net ad one time too many.  They’ve been using the same attractive red head for some time now, so she must be making money for them.  Couldn’t they give her a little speech coaching?  Here’s my beef - vowels.  We have 5, sometimes 6 of them (a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y, to quote from elementary school English class) and they all sound different.  From this woman, they all sound the same.  The real rant is this.  She is not unique.  Most Americans are extremely careless with their speech.

Back to my red head.  She asks the question that goes something like, “Think you can’t get fast internet service because of where you live?”  Then, the clincher.  “Don’t buh-lieve it.”  Buh-lieve?  Is that anything like believe?  Then, to ad insult to injury, she moves on to, “Hughes Net duh-livers”.  Frankly, I would prefer that a vender “deliver”.  What’s “duh-liver”?  Duh liver and bacon I would refuse to eat if it ever appeared on my dinner plate?  I’ve heard this ad so many times, with its lousy pronunciation, that my ears hurt.

Then there is the word “immediately”.  Very useful, heavily used word.  Listen for it in speech, from everyone.  Then, note how frequently the word is pronounced “ah-mediately”.  My very unscientific and frustrated observation has the percentage at 90.  90% of the time, the word is mispronounced.

I will accept this sort of mispronunciation only in humor.  Thank goodness for Scott Adams and his well-loved characters Dilbert and Dogbert.  They speak of “in-duh-viduals”.  In other words, idiots.

Duh!

Yes, this is a major beef I have.  It irritates me no end.  My larger concern, however, is the effect this type of speech can have on the careers of our young people.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think slang is a wonderful thing.  It is fascinating, colorful, and conveys incredible meaning to one’s peers.  Therein lies part of the issue.  Every human group has its own special terminology, allowing them to communicate in ways that say, “I am a member here.  I belong.”  There is comfort in this, especially for adolescents for whom the only sin is to be different.  (You might ask how I know this, but that’s another blog entry.)  However, it’s a big world out there and you can’t exist, or make a living, totally within your own little group.

My recommendation to young people preparing to make their own way in the world is this.  Use and enjoy your slang, but make sure you can speak well in standard, correct English, too.  Cultivate the ability to turn the slang off at will, so you can make the very best impression on potential employers, colleagues, and customers.  You will have a far greater chance of success if you master the art of communication, both written and spoken, in correct modern English.

Let’s make sure we can prove Professor Higgins, of My Fair Lady fame, wrong when he sings, “Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?”  A ways into the song he asks, “Why can’t they set a good example, for people who’s English is painful to your ears?  The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears.  There even are places where English completely disappears.  Why in America they haven’t used it in years!”

 I will start with one I hear primarily from the news media.  That expression is “went missing”.  What happened to “disappeared”?  Or “vanished”?  I am not even sure if correct English “went missing” here.  It may be a correct usage, but I hate it!

 Let me move on to another gem.  I don’t know about you, but I “graduated from” high school, as well as college.  I did not “graduate high school”.  Is this a West Coast thing?  I don’t recall hearing this when I lived east of the Mississippi.

 Here’s another one I hear far too frequently from the English-challenged TV media.  There is a distinct difference between “cache” and “cachet”.  “Cache” (pronounced like “cash”) is a hiding place or stash, such as an emergency food “cache”.  “Cachet” (pronounced “cash-AY”) denotes superior status or prestige.  “The job had a certain cachet” is an example I found in an online dictionary.  Listen to your daily dose of TV news and I’ll bet you can catch many examples of confusion with these words, over pronunciation, meaning, or both.

 Enough from me today.  What are your pet English peeves?  Please share them!