Business In Washington - Business Operations & Management Consulting

Greetings, gentle readers! The Word Cop was enjoying a peaceful lunch break just now, listening to the news and attempting to ignore the commercials. In spite of my best efforts, one commercial intruded on my reveries and the fighting Word Cop had to come out!

The ad was for Guaranteed Tax Relief. First off, let me state categorically that my comments here are not intended to insult or otherwise disparage this company. I know nothing about them. They may very well have a heck of a fine service. I will leave potential customers on their own to make that judgment.

My only issue here is with their grammar. Their URL, that primary tool of branding and communicating on the internet, is www.lesstaxes.com. AAARRRRGGGHHH, to quote Charlie Brown. You can pay “less tax” or “fewer taxes”, never “less taxes”. Got it? It’s a simple concept. “Less” goes with a single item and “fewer” goes with a multiple of something. So, for example, to prevent cavities, eat less candy or fewer candies.

Now, I realize that the owners and employees of a company like Guaranteed Tax Relief are financial professionals, not grammarians, so I would like to cut them some slack. However, if you are going to spend money advertising and branding, wouldn’t you like to create an impression of professionalism? Poor grammar won’t help with that.

This company is stuck with a URL that declares to all and sundry on the web, and watching television since it was on their ad, that they have an English problem. Their own knowledge of proper English is lacking, they are too cheap to hire skilled editorial help, or they simply don’t care.

It is my fervent hope that this is just a simple oversight, soon to be corrected. As promised, slack from the Word Cop!

As we move into a New Year, I keep hoping I can lay down the mantel of The Word Cop. Then I see a title such as this one:

“How to Standout in a Shrinking Economy - Publish or Perish!”

Now, you can be a “standout” or you can “stand out”. Verbicide, the act of creating a verb by plugging in any convenient noun, continues unabated. The Word Cop sighs sadly.

To make this one worse, the writer is talking about publishing! Wouldn’t it help the credibility of a so-called writer’s works to be grammatically correct? Call me crazy, but I can’t help but think quality writing is even better when it includes the high quality application of the English language.

I lift that heavy mantel back onto my shoulders and resume my trudge into the New Year…..

Hope yours was a Happy New Year celebration at the very least.

The Word Cop is back and shaking her head in despair.  This time she despairs over the fact that current popular vernacular appears to contain only 2 verbs.  Those two are “go” and “I’m like”.  That second one isn’t even a real verb, but a made up one.  It makes me cringe every time I hear it.

Come on, folks!  The English language is incredibly rich, allowing such precision and beauty of expression.  It’s fine to use simpler language for casual conversation, but aren’t we going a bit too far here?

Listen to the conversation of our young people to be guaranteed a quick example.  Even more appalling, these speech patterns have crept into adult conversation, both at home and (gulp!) at work.  That’s bad enough.  Then, I started hearing this more and more from people who make their living by speaking - media professionals.  One slip during a casual moment on the air is one thing, but when I start hearing people like Bill O’Reilly using such speech on a fairly regularly basis, I am left to wonder what the world is coming to!

Listen to the conversations around you and consider carefully what you hear.  The general flow will go something like this:

“He said (fill in whatever comment).  I go (fill in whatever reply).”

“She said (fill in another inane, but emotion-producing comment).  I was like (fill in whatever emotion was aroused).”

Whatever happened to “I said” or “I exclaimed” or “I opined”.  (Just trying to keep it pithy, since I mention Bill O’Reilly.)

How about “I felt” or “I was (something else besides “like”).  Try “I was angry” or “I was surprised” or “I was happy”.

Any of my suggestions is far more descriptive and useful in conveying real meaning to the listener.  Think about it and maybe try a different pattern of speech the next time you catch yourself overdoing it with “I go” or “I’m like”.  The Word Cop will be incredibly grateful!

What do you think? 

I’ve aired plenty of beefs about crimes against the English language.  There’s certainly no shortage of material for ranting.  Today, however, I have a rave.  It’s a rare thing from me, so enjoy it.

My kudos today go to a local grocery chain, Quality Food Centers (QFC).  They’ve had their challenges in recent years, enduring two acquisitions by big grocery chains, Kroger being the most recent.  So the stores, at least the ones near me, had deteriorated quite a bit.  Simply put, QFC’s mission and market didn’t match Kroger’s idea of what they should be.  At least, this is what I have observed from the outside as a customer.

This situation has begun to turn around.  The stores are being refurbished, remodeled, and upgraded.  They are going more upscale, probably to compete with stores the like of Central Market.  I, for one customer, welcome the change. 

Last night, after a brutally busy day, I stopped by my local QFC to do some emergency shopping.  Some things you just can’t do without, and we were without.  I dragged my tired body around the store, locating most of what I needed and figured the heck with the rest.  Somewhat numb, I approached the checkout stand.

The stand right in front of me appeared to be closing, but the cashier gestured to come on.  She would take care of me.  I noticed that it was the express lane, and stated that I had more than 12 items.  She still indicated she would be happy to take care of me.  Then I really looked at the sign and stopped dead.

“Express Lane.  12 items or fewer.”

I don’t know how many times I have groaned over the ubiquitous signs with their equally ubiquitous errors in grammar - 12 items or less.  Wrong, wrong, wrong!

I turned to the cashier and congratulated her and the store for getting it right!  She looked at me as if I was somewhat addled, and proceeded to add up my grocery tab.  All right, maybe she was tired, too.

No matter.  Congratulations to the QFC management for removing one of the smaller annoyances that clutter my life.  There is no better signal of the store’s re-emergence as a Quality Food Center, at least to me.

All of us endure a constant onslaught of advertising, particularly on television.  I do my best to tune out most of it.  In fact, I love my mute button when I can get to it.  However, when I am cooking and using the TV to keep me company, my hands are often too occupied, or too wet, to handle the remote.  Then I must attempt to ignore the ads, even though the volume always goes up.

Today, I heard the Hughes.net ad one time too many.  They’ve been using the same attractive red head for some time now, so she must be making money for them.  Couldn’t they give her a little speech coaching?  Here’s my beef - vowels.  We have 5, sometimes 6 of them (a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y, to quote from elementary school English class) and they all sound different.  From this woman, they all sound the same.  The real rant is this.  She is not unique.  Most Americans are extremely careless with their speech.

Back to my red head.  She asks the question that goes something like, “Think you can’t get fast internet service because of where you live?”  Then, the clincher.  “Don’t buh-lieve it.”  Buh-lieve?  Is that anything like believe?  Then, to ad insult to injury, she moves on to, “Hughes Net duh-livers”.  Frankly, I would prefer that a vender “deliver”.  What’s “duh-liver”?  Duh liver and bacon I would refuse to eat if it ever appeared on my dinner plate?  I’ve heard this ad so many times, with its lousy pronunciation, that my ears hurt.

Then there is the word “immediately”.  Very useful, heavily used word.  Listen for it in speech, from everyone.  Then, note how frequently the word is pronounced “ah-mediately”.  My very unscientific and frustrated observation has the percentage at 90.  90% of the time, the word is mispronounced.

I will accept this sort of mispronunciation only in humor.  Thank goodness for Scott Adams and his well-loved characters Dilbert and Dogbert.  They speak of “in-duh-viduals”.  In other words, idiots.

Duh!